A Babywearing Song

"Waiting On An Angel" Ben Harper

Waiting on an angel

One to carry me home

Hope you come to see me soon

Cause I don' t want to go alone

I don' t want to go alone

Now angel won' t you come by me

Angel hear my plea

Take my hand lift me up

So that I can fly with thee

So that I can fly with thee

And I'm waiting on an angel

And I know it won' t be long

To find myself a resting place

In my angel's arms

In my angel's arms

So speak kind to a stranger

Cause you'll never know

It just might be an angel come

Knockin' at your door

Knockin' at your door

And I'm waiting on an angel

And I know it won't be long

To find myself a resting place

In my angel's arms

In my angel's arms

Waiting on an angel

One to carry me home

Hope you come and see me soon

Cause I don' t want to go alone

I don't want to go alone

Don' t want to go

I don't want to go alone

In Defense of Pillow Nursing

While researching the benefits of co-sleeping with a newborn I read that an infant's nighttime behaviors only make sense in the context of the mother.

Last night I found that a new mother's nighttime behaviors only make sense in the context of the newborn.

After I drifted off to sleep last night, Dave took Evelyn from beside me and placed her in her bassinet beside the bed. A few hours later, when Dave turned off the t.v. and pulled the blanket up over me, I told him (in my sleep) "No honey, there's too much material around Evelyn". At which point, he looked over at me and realized I was trying to nurse a pillow.

Later, he told me that on a related note, when he put Evelyn down in the bassinet, she pursed her lips and "nursed in her sleep".

See, we need to be together. We don't make any sense otherwise.

Evelyn's Birth

This summer has been an exciting whirlwind of change in the O'Connor house. Three became four. Our house is filled with pink; pink swing, pink blankets, pink ribbon, pink clothes, and to Aiden's delight: packing peanuts.

Our family spent the beginning of the summer preparing for the birth of Evelyn. We studied Hypnobabies, envisioned our perfect birth, collected cloth diapers, a wrap, a sling... we were ready and we had our hearts set on a beautiful, natural VBAC.

Waiting became a roller coaster. She'd be early, I was dilating and effacing, she was low. She'd be right on time... she'd be a little late. She wasn't dropping, round ligament too tight, too strong. Relax, relax, relax. She's getting too big, you won't be able to deliver her, you're too small. Relax, relax.

A c-section was scheduled for 42 weeks, declination would mean loss of care. Heartbreak, tears, failure. Relax.

41 weeks and 6 days: It's going to be ok, it will be better than the last one, we'll do this together, we'll use our hypnosis, you're safe, you're safe, relax. We'll be holding our baby in the morning. Don't be sad, it's not your fault. Go to sleep. Relax. Peace.

42 weeks. 4 am: No. Just go away. No, I'm done, hospital in 2 hours. I'll hold my baby this morning. Walking, stronger, stronger, closer, stronger. Hope?

Hospital. Hypnosis. Peace. Open. Open. Open....

Doctor. Anger. You know what I think you should do. No. I don't feel comfortable with you laboring past 42 weeks. I'm not past 42 weeks. No.

Doula. Peace, peace...

Ultrasound. Healthy. Not too big. Small head. Placenta looks great. Peace.

EFM. Chasing heartbeat, chasing, chasing. Ball. Bed. Squat. Chase. Hang. Open. Open. Open. Cool cloths. Hot packs. Ball. Hang. Chase. Peace. Water. Oranges. Honey. Peace. Open. Open. Open.

3 hours. Open. 5 hours. Open. 9 hours. Open. 12 hours. Open. 15 hours. Open. 16, 17, 18, 19. Open. Open. Open.

5 cm. 5 cm. 5 cm. 5cm. 5cm. 5cm. 5 cm.

Decels. Oxygen. Side. Pain. Oxygen. 5 cm. Other side. Pain. Decels. Oxygen. 5 cm. Epidural. Side. Oxygen. Pain. Oxygen. Oxygen. Fear. Fear. Baby?

C-section. Peace. Family. Peace. Prayer. Peace. Peace. Peace.

Hypnosis. Love. Comfort. Joy. OR. Love. Comfort. Joy. Dave. Love. Comfort. Joy. Peace. Peace. Peace.

Baby. Baby. Baby. Safe.