This summer has been an exciting whirlwind of change in the O'Connor house. Three became four. Our house is filled with pink; pink swing, pink blankets, pink ribbon, pink clothes, and to Aiden's delight: packing peanuts.
Our family spent the beginning of the summer preparing for the birth of Evelyn. We studied Hypnobabies, envisioned our perfect birth, collected cloth diapers, a wrap, a sling... we were ready and we had our hearts set on a beautiful, natural VBAC.
Waiting became a roller coaster. She'd be early, I was dilating and effacing, she was low. She'd be right on time... she'd be a little late. She wasn't dropping, round ligament too tight, too strong. Relax, relax, relax. She's getting too big, you won't be able to deliver her, you're too small. Relax, relax.
A c-section was scheduled for 42 weeks, declination would mean loss of care. Heartbreak, tears, failure. Relax.
41 weeks and 6 days: It's going to be ok, it will be better than the last one, we'll do this together, we'll use our hypnosis, you're safe, you're safe, relax. We'll be holding our baby in the morning. Don't be sad, it's not your fault. Go to sleep. Relax. Peace.
42 weeks. 4 am: No. Just go away. No, I'm done, hospital in 2 hours. I'll hold my baby this morning. Walking, stronger, stronger, closer, stronger. Hope?
Hospital. Hypnosis. Peace. Open. Open. Open....
Doctor. Anger. You know what I think you should do. No. I don't feel comfortable with you laboring past 42 weeks. I'm not past 42 weeks. No.
Doula. Peace, peace...
Ultrasound. Healthy. Not too big. Small head. Placenta looks great. Peace.
EFM. Chasing heartbeat, chasing, chasing. Ball. Bed. Squat. Chase. Hang. Open. Open. Open. Cool cloths. Hot packs. Ball. Hang. Chase. Peace. Water. Oranges. Honey. Peace. Open. Open. Open.
3 hours. Open. 5 hours. Open. 9 hours. Open. 12 hours. Open. 15 hours. Open. 16, 17, 18, 19. Open. Open. Open.
5 cm. 5 cm. 5 cm. 5cm. 5cm. 5cm. 5 cm.
Decels. Oxygen. Side. Pain. Oxygen. 5 cm. Other side. Pain. Decels. Oxygen. 5 cm. Epidural. Side. Oxygen. Pain. Oxygen. Oxygen. Fear. Fear. Baby?
C-section. Peace. Family. Peace. Prayer. Peace. Peace. Peace.
Hypnosis. Love. Comfort. Joy. OR. Love. Comfort. Joy. Dave. Love. Comfort. Joy. Peace. Peace. Peace.
Baby. Baby. Baby. Safe.