This summer has been an exciting whirlwind of change in the O'Connor house. Three became four. Our house is filled with pink; pink swing, pink blankets, pink ribbon, pink clothes, and to Aiden's delight: packing peanuts.
Our family spent the beginning of the summer preparing for the birth of Evelyn. We studied Hypnobabies, envisioned our perfect birth, collected cloth diapers, a wrap, a sling... we were ready and we had our hearts set on a beautiful, natural VBAC.
Waiting became a roller coaster. She'd be early, I was dilating and effacing, she was low. She'd be right on time... she'd be a little late. She wasn't dropping, round ligament too tight, too strong. Relax, relax, relax. She's getting too big, you won't be able to deliver her, you're too small. Relax, relax.
A c-section was scheduled for 42 weeks, declination would mean loss of care. Heartbreak, tears, failure. Relax.
41 weeks and 6 days: It's going to be ok, it will be better than the last one, we'll do this together, we'll use our hypnosis, you're safe, you're safe, relax. We'll be holding our baby in the morning. Don't be sad, it's not your fault. Go to sleep. Relax. Peace.
42 weeks. 4 am: No. Just go away. No, I'm done, hospital in 2 hours. I'll hold my baby this morning. Walking, stronger, stronger, closer, stronger. Hope?
Hospital. Hypnosis. Peace. Open. Open. Open....
Doctor. Anger. You know what I think you should do. No. I don't feel comfortable with you laboring past 42 weeks. I'm not past 42 weeks. No.
Doula. Peace, peace...
Ultrasound. Healthy. Not too big. Small head. Placenta looks great. Peace.
EFM. Chasing heartbeat, chasing, chasing. Ball. Bed. Squat. Chase. Hang. Open. Open. Open. Cool cloths. Hot packs. Ball. Hang. Chase. Peace. Water. Oranges. Honey. Peace. Open. Open. Open.
3 hours. Open. 5 hours. Open. 9 hours. Open. 12 hours. Open. 15 hours. Open. 16, 17, 18, 19. Open. Open. Open.
5 cm. 5 cm. 5 cm. 5cm. 5cm. 5cm. 5 cm.
Decels. Oxygen. Side. Pain. Oxygen. 5 cm. Other side. Pain. Decels. Oxygen. 5 cm. Epidural. Side. Oxygen. Pain. Oxygen. Oxygen. Fear. Fear. Baby?
C-section. Peace. Family. Peace. Prayer. Peace. Peace. Peace.
Hypnosis. Love. Comfort. Joy. OR. Love. Comfort. Joy. Dave. Love. Comfort. Joy. Peace. Peace. Peace.
Baby. Baby. Baby. Safe.
WOW! I am seriously impressed. You are one tough mama. I love your story telling as well.
ReplyDeleteI have a very similar experience with baby #1. He was born at 42 weeks and 1 day after 24hrs of natural labor by c-section. In the end it was very peaceful because we knew we tried everything and he and I got the safest birth for the situation. I still feel that way.
I hope you do as well. Enjoy all these little early day moments with your little girl.
Thank you, Barbara. That's exactly how I feel.
ReplyDeleteI meant to comment on this sooner! I love your birth story--never read one before that said so much, and conveyed so many feeligns, in so few words. I was going to read it again a minute ago but it gets me all weepy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful and emotional birth story. I love how you have written it. Even in the change of plans, you found peace and strength. What a fantastic support team you had. And what a fantastic mama you are!
ReplyDeleteyou made me cry- in a good way :-)
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